Where ~ When ~ With Whom

19 February 2017

“I WANT TO BE more confident.”

How many times have you uttered those words, I wonder...

At what do you want more confidence, and at which times, and with whom? Knowing this is essential for developing good self confidence in the areas that that are important to you.

When you simply say, “I want to be more confident,” something is missing. It’s like saying, “I want to travel.” You’ll never get there until you decide where it is you want to travel to.

Where when and with whom

Confidence cannot happen until you become more specific, so you need to know:

  • What do I want to be confident at?
  • When do I want to experience that confidence?
  • Who do I want to feel confident with?

Believe it or not, you already do possess confidence in many areas of your life. Playing a sport, a computer game, drawing, or some other activity you love? Or tasks related to your job, or driving a car, or even riding a bike? You may not be the best in the world but you’re OK. Good enough to not worry too much about it, and that’s what confidence is; not worrying too much about what you’re doing.

And what about all those little day to day tasks you take for granted, like making a cup of tea, tying your shoe laces, catching a ball, reading a book...  The list is endless.

In other areas you probably couldn’t care less about being confident. For example, I personally have absolutely no interest in sport. I’m useless at it, but that doesn’t bother me because I don’t aspire to be any good at it. Confidence only seems to matter when the situation holds some ‘personal’ relevance.

The same apples for ‘when’. You probably naturally feel confident at certain times while at others you couldn’t care less about it. It’s only at specific times that you’d like to have more of it.

Even if you feel under confident in a particular situation, I bet there are people – like close friends or family – who you don’t mind knowing it. There are probably other people with whom it just doesn’t matter.

When you really think about it, it becomes apparent that it’s only in certain areas of your life that you want to be more confident.

Confidence Tip

Confidence is meaningless until you attach it to something specific.

The key to confidence

So you see, it’s only when thinking about exactly where, when, and with whom you want to be confident that a lack of it or gaining more of it becomes important. Knowing this is the key to building self confidence because:

  • Recognising key areas where you want more confidence allows you to focus specifically on those areas.
  • Having a clear direction makes it easier to tolerate uncertainty – even failure – because you can still be certain that you’re heading in the direction of your goals.
  • Realising that only certain situations are a problem makes the whole task of confidence building much more manageable.
  • Having clear, well defined goals makes achieving anything in life so much easier; not just confidence.

What do you want to do now

You always get more of what you focus your attention on.

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